I’ve just come home from Limmud conference, which as usual was held over six days at the University of Warwick. Limmud, for those unfamiliar with it, is a Jewish educational organization, run mainly by amateur volunteers, which is intended to make Jewish learning accessible to all parts of the Jewish community. Its main event is Limmud Conference in December, and as a family, we have attended most of these conferences over the past eight years. We always come back spiritually and emotionally enriched from the learning and fun we have experienced, and the buzz of meeting up with old friends and making new ones, and physically and mentally knackered after a frenetic week of long hours and little sleep.
Music, poetry, politics, culture, cooking, religious study, comedy; most areas of interest are represented in the hundreds of sessions available at Limmud, all presented by volunteer presenters, some of whom are distinguished academics. I got to present some of my “shtick” at a few sessions; the revamped Christmas carols were well –received.
Here are some photos of the Limmud house band, the Token Vegetation Band, backing kosher gospel singer Joshua Nelson at his concert. My son Nathan is the guitarist.
I composed a number of poems and songs recently.
Here are some Christmas carols with revised words:
(To the tune of Good King Wenceslas)
King Antiochus look out. You'd better be believin'
Maccabees are after you, wanting to get even.
First they'll kill your army boys, 'cos they're bad and cruel.
Then the Menorah will stay lit
Eight days with one day's fu-u-el.
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(To the tune of Jingle Bells)
Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle all the way.
The Ark comes to Jerusalem. King David leads the way.
Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle all the way.
Oh what fun to be a Jew on such a happy day.
Riding past the crowd, in a great big chariot
The High Priest wears his formal clothes although the weather's hot.
King David leads the dancing though he's not so smartly dressed.
He shows the crowd his tuchas and his wife is not impressed*.
Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle all the way.
The Ark comes to Jerusalem. King David lead the way.
Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle all the way.
Oh what fun to be a Jew on such a happy day.
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(to the tune of “Tidings of comfort and Joy”)
Lord bless those Jerry mental men who think the Euro's sound.
Well stick that up your orifice, we're sticking with the Pound.
You won't bail out the Euro 'cos the money can't be found
No tidings of comfort and joy, comfort and joy. No tidings of comfort and joy.
You want the Euro to endure from now for ever more.
The Euro has big problems which you really can't ignore
And all this is just sour grapes because you lost the war
No tidings of comfort and joy, comfort and joy. No tidings of comfort and joy.
The Euro's drifting everywhere because it's lost its anchor.
We have to sort the problem out. Let's start by shooting bankers
And then the politicians 'cos they're just a bunch of .......idiots
No tidings of comfort and joy, comfort and joy. No tidings of comfort and joy.
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At Limmud, a friend of ours informed us on Saturday lunchtime that the fire alarm in her building went off at 7.40 that morning, causing the building to be evacuated.
This gave rise to the following poem:
The Fire Alarm
It was twenty to eight Shabbat morning
In the building known as Jack Martin
When the fire alarm bell, without warning,
Woke up the Limmudniks therein.
They had to assemble outside
Some wearing not much more than gatkes
In case they, by a fire, were fried
And were turned into big Kosher Latkes.
Some thought it was a cunning plan
To get everyone out of their room
In time to attend morning service
Whether or not they were frum.
What caused the alarm bell to ring
As though by a technical hitch?
Did some Rabbi trigger the thing
With a Shabbat-friendly time switch?
I attended some learning sessions about the Talmud (a large body of Rabbinic gloss on Jewish Law compiled 1500~1800 years ago) . There are a number of esoteric stories in the Talmud, many of which are included for the purpose of the lessons they portray, rather than the truth of the facts in the story. We studied two stories about Rabbis and prostitutes (presumably the forerunners of the “Bishop and the Actress” jokes).
Here is a poem about one of them. The Talmudic story is found in Menachot, 44a
The Naughty Rabbi
There was a naughty rabbi
Who didn't have a wife.
He went to shtup a prostitute
When a mitzvah saved his life.
He was just about to know her
When he got a sudden shock.
His tzitzit struck him in the face
And made him feel a shmock.
The prostitute converted
And (this may cause you laughter)
She married him and they lived
Happily ever after.
I met Eve Grubin, my Biblical Poetry teacher, at Limmud this year. She once again urged me to try writing poetry in a freer form; i.e not necessarily rhyming or scanning. This one is for her.
Ode to Eve
I studied Bible poetry. My teacher’s name is Eve.
I ran into her recently. She told me “I believe
Your poetry is good, but you know, it’s not a crime
To write some lines of poetry which do not scan or rhyme.”
I like my lines of poetry to rhyme and to scan
But out of respect for Eve, this one doesn’t.
