Here's one about the first chapter of the book of Genesis, which we read in synagogue this morning.

"God's Diary"

Sunday - up before the lark
Separated light from dark.
Monday - started before seven
Working on this thing called Heaven.
Tuesday - I was very pleased,
Made the land and plants and seas.
Wednesday - Had a lot of fun
Finishing the moon and sun.
Thursday -used a lot of words
Making fish, insects and birds.
Friday- made mankind and beasts,
Then prepared my Sabbath feast.
Saturday - today's the best.
I get a chance to sit and rest.
This perfect world -
Took me all week to knock it up.
Now watch mankind cock it up.  

Here's a new poem on a topical issue.

"Goodbye"

Teresa May
Has had to pray
That Hamza and his mates
Would not find a new legal dodge
To not go to the States,
And though they went back
To the Court
And played it by the book,
The Court said "No.
You've got to go."
So May is off the Hook.

Paralympic poems

I was lucky enoughto attend the Olympics (hockey) and Paralympics (Athletics).. All the compliments about smiling security staff and games makers are absolutely true.

We saw the great Oscar Pistorius run in that unbelievable 200 metres race last Sunday night when he was beaten by Alan Oliveira, and the evening ended in style when David Weir won the 5000 metres T54 race.

Here are some pics (courtesy of my wife Ruth) and a few poems.

There's a wonderful team called GB
Which represents people like me.
They've won shedloads of medals
Using boats legs and pedals
And I've watched it, sat on my settee.

(To the tune of the National Anthem)

On track or tv screen
Just once a drama queen
Greatest we've seen.
Mostly victorious
Happy and Glorious
Well done, Oscar  Pistorius
Best there's ever been.

Weirwolf in London...

The Olympic Flame

The Olympic flame came past my office this morning. Here are some photos and the obligatory ditty.




The Torch comes to Harrow on the Hill

 (To the tune of "Molly Malone")
In London's fair city
Where the traffic flow's sh....awful
I first set my eyes on the Olympic flame.
It was carried through Harrow
Through a street which was narrow
Just two days before the start of this year's games.

Alive, alive -o-oh, alive, alive-o-oh
Ran a young man with muscles
Alive, alive-o.

Archtypal British scene;   crowd, sponsors, policeman, Union Jack

There were large crowds to greet it.

I bet many have tweeted

That fine summer morning up here on the hill.

There were dancers and big floats

And police in high-viz coats.

To see the real torch was, for many, a thrill.



The Olympic Head of Security breaks free of his handcuffs and waves to the crowd as he's carted off to the nick..  



Alive, alive -o-oh, alive, alive-o-oh 

Ran a young man with muscles
Alive, alive-o.



A topical song (to the tune of "Diamonds are Forever")

Diamond is forever
It costs too much to relieve him.
When he speaks you can't believe him.
He just rigs interest rates
With his bent city mates
To hurt us.....

Diamond is forever
'Cos the banks think that they own us,
So, Big Deal, he waived his bonus.
He'll just massage the facts so he won't pay much tax.
He's gone too far,  like Jimmy Carr.
What good will Diamond do me?
He'll continue to screw me.
He's lost his cred
Like Fred the Shred..
Diamond is forever, forever forever
Daimond is forever, forever, forever
Forever,   and Ever.

Historical poems

I have penned a few ditties recently about various events in history.  Here they are:

Incitatus:
Amongst the Roman Consuls Incitatus was unique
Though several historians regard him as a freak.
The Emperor Caligula, assured of his divinity
Promoted Incitatus, which he viewed with equine-imity
He could not speak in the Senate or lead legionaries in force
Due to the simple fact that Incitatus was a horse.

Pyrrhus:

Pyrrhus of Epirus, who terrorised Rome
Paid a visit to Argos and he ain't going home.
Once so full of life, he is now lying dead
'Cos an evil old bat threw a tile at his head.
Though his army had elephants, swords and sarissas*
They could not protect him from this missile-armed Missus.

* a sarissa is a 5-metre long pike.

Henry:
To have a fine son was King Henry's main hope.
When Queen Kate couldn't have one, he petitioned the Pope.
"If I make a donation, can I have a divorce?".
When the Pope said "No". Henry resorted to force.
There then followed decades of turmoil and strife
Whilst Henry kept changing his previous wife.
Two more Kates, two Annes and a lady called Jane
Still the search for the perfect wife ended in vain.
We now know why Henry spent so long at war.
He was steering well clear of his mothers-in-law.

This week's parasha is the first one in the book of Numbers. In Hebrew, the book (and this week's parasha)  is called "Bamidbar", which means "in the Wilderness".  In this week's parasha, God instructs Moses to count the children of Israel, and the census is the inspiration for the following song.  Whilst there is a clear link between census and numbers, given the events which take place during the whole book, I think the term "numbers" could be amplified to read "numbers of people who suffer a horrible death"

Bamidbar

(to the tune of “Annie’s Song” by John Denver)

Go fill up my census of the Children of Israel

From age twenty to sixty, all the military men

While they’re here in the desert, and the tribes aren’t in motion.

Don’t include the Levite; leave out the Cohen.

Count the Priests with the Levites, cos they give their lives to me,

From one month up to eighty, let these guys not bear arms.

They must pray and inspire you; they will lead you and bless you;

They don’t need redeeming, by Pid ‘yon Ha Ben.*

Go fill up my census of the Children of Israel

From age twenty to sixty, all the military men

While they’re here in the desert, and the tribes aren’t in motion.

In a subsequent Parasha,  we’ll do it again.

* a ceremony in which a first-born son, who is symbolically dedicated to God at birth   is "bought back" from God's representatives, the Cohens (priests) at one month old. First-born sons of priests and Levites are exempt from this requirement.