Friday, 30 December 2011

Recent Compositions

Sarkozy (to the tune of “This Old Man)
Nicolas Sarkozy
Acts tough though he’s five foot three
When he talks to Cameron all he does is moan.
Someone give the Frogs a loan.
and prompted by the recent storm which took out electricity for much of Scotland.. 
No Power in Scotland (to the tune of “Flower of Scotland”)
No Power in Scotland
When will we see the lights again.
They packed up and died when
Storms hit wind turbines but then
Whoever thought up
That system is barmy.
It’s bound to soon be on
The blink again.

My law partner Stella has had a tough time recently.  Her husband Jeff is undergoing a long battle against Leukemia, and although, thank God, he’s generally better than he was at the beginning of the year,  he still has setbacks, and he is currently undergoing treatment for graft v host problems. Stella found out, on the same day (a) that Jeff would have to remain in hospital for two weeks to receive a course of antibiotics intravenously and (b ) her 18 year old cat, Nerd, was in poor health and may need to be put to sleep. I did suggest to Stella that things could be worse, especially of Jef and Nerd’s positions were reversed, but that crumb of comfort was not particularly well received…. Nerd received a temporary reprieve as the result of a blood test, and Stella was more cheerful when she spoke with me the following day.
Here is a poem I composed as a result: 

Her cat, Nerd, was so sexually active
And running around having fun
That with little regret
She took him to the vet
And said that she wanted him "done".
So off came the promiscuous knackers
And the lady at last could rejoice.
To the vet she said "Thanks.
Now my cat's shooting blanks
And he mews in a very high voice."
Some years later the cat was quite poorly
Which caused his dear owner to frown.
So back to the vet,
Who said, with regret
"You may have to have him put down."
But then Nerd was given a blood test
Which caused vet and owner to smile.
With some dedication
And much medication
It seems that he'll live for a while.
Now our heroine had a sick husband
Who was feeling quite fed up and pale
And while he was bored
In the hospital ward
He heard her recount the whole tale.

She showed him the results of Nerd's blood test
Which she left at the side of his bed;
And there it was found
When the surgeon came round,
Which caused him much scratching of head.
"Mrs A", he said. "I am quite baffled.
The results of this blood test are strange.
It says on our computer
That your husband's been neutered
And now has a bad case of mange."

Nerd died under surgery a few days later, but Jeff only has to attend hospital as a day patient whilst he has his injections.

Coming soon:  a Blog post about Limmud conference and some poetry I composed there.